I have survived a year. 365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. I genuinely did not expect or at the time, in any way want, this year. It was supposed to all end that day. That Monday in a lonely October last year. How fitting that it was also Mental Health Awareness Day. That wasn’t planned it was just another weird aspect of a weird day. So I have written about that day previously and to be honest, I don’t think dwelling on the specifics now, will help in any way. I was saved and I have got through a full year without getting to that point again. I am alive and I want to live.
A year on however, I have become aware that I am not really living a life. I am alive yes. Every second I breathe in and out, my heart beats, I continue to live. But it has taken me a full year to realise there is so much more to me. I have so much to offer intellectually and spiritually that I haven’t felt the confidence to do. I still lack so much confidence but I have had an epiphany and that is that I am alive for a reason. A reason I will not find by hiding away in my bedroom everyday or staying home. To find out what will ignite my soul and then the souls of others I need to start living again. Baby steps. Step one, create a daily routine which includes going outside for at least 30 minutes and also includes writing every day in this blog
I want to get back on track with my soul purpose. I intend on accessing the courses I find that speak to me and writing about how I feel after attending. This is the real journey now. I want to get to this time next year and not feel like an empty vessel. I will change. I will heal. I will find my way and this is my record of how I get there.
I am ready for a rocky ride but the final destination is not an option it is a certainty.