So I’ve just had an exceptionally good weekend away with friends. I’m in a bad place right now. I am actually off work with depression, and have been telling my friends I just wanted a break from work and I’ve managed to convince my doctor I’m depressed.
THE TRUTH IS I AM DEPRESSED
However, i have managed a weekend forgetting and being distracted from it. I’ve felt amazing, connecting with new interesting people and smiling genuinely for days. I’m home now, alone again, and its feeling very lonely and dark.
The problem now is I need to deal with the come down from being so genuinely happy aswell as the inherent depression I’ve been trying to hide from people. I’ve mentioned I’m low to a few friends, but then brushed over it. I’m usually quite open but its always after the fact. So they’ll only know when I’ve dragged myself up again as I know in my heart I will do. But this feeling of emptiness and isolation is horrible and hard to even write and put into words. The only ones who would understand are those who’ve experienced it.
I have to stay strong as I’m a single mum and my child is more important than anything I’m feeling. So I suppose I’m writing this post to try and cleanse the intensity of my emotions so I can smile in the morning and pretend to the world, and more importantly my daughter, that I’m fine.