What goes up must come down

So I’ve just had an exceptionally good weekend away with friends. I’m in a bad place right now. I am actually off work with depression, and have been telling my friends I just wanted a break from work and I’ve managed to convince my doctor I’m depressed. 

THE TRUTH IS I AM DEPRESSED

 However, i have managed a weekend forgetting and being distracted from it. I’ve felt amazing, connecting with new interesting people and smiling genuinely for days. I’m home now, alone again, and its feeling very lonely and dark.
The problem now is I need to deal with the come down from being so genuinely happy aswell as the inherent depression I’ve been trying to hide from people. I’ve mentioned I’m low to a few friends, but then brushed over it. I’m usually quite open but its always after the fact. So they’ll only know when I’ve dragged myself up again as I know in my heart I will do. But this feeling of emptiness and isolation is horrible and hard to even write and put into words. The only ones who would understand are those who’ve experienced it.

I have to stay strong as I’m a single mum and my child is more important than anything I’m feeling. So I suppose I’m writing this post to try and cleanse the intensity of my emotions so I can smile in the morning and pretend to the world, and more importantly my daughter, that I’m fine.

 

 

Still crazy


So its been a while since i last posted my thoughts. Downward spiral maybe…touching the cusp of the bottom so in then will inevitably be the onward and upward spiral so my life has become the visualisation of a dna helix. Am i just DNA. Did not attend haha. Whats going on i say to myself…again am i crazy? Am i normal? Is this even reality or am i just wired differently? Who the fuck even cares…i wont tomorrow when im in a less internal spirit side and become the external fascia of reality i put out to the world. I ask myself this…why do i keep going up and down this same helter-skelter and is it still as fun or am i riding it bare back for a cheap thrill at life…when will it end? I dont know but id rather keep going than let it stop. I love questioning my existence to myself